A Nightmare on Leaf Street
by PeinSaku
Summary: After a series of strange events that Sakura would rather not know about, the Akatsuki have somehow come to be Konoha's tentative allies, and they are in need of a place to stay. Who better to push them on than Tsunade's trusted apprentice? — Crack. Language Warning.


Crack.

Major OOC-ness.

Yeah.

Don't own _Naruto_.

* * *

2 YEARS EARLIER

"SHIZUNE!"

A woman with short dark hair sprinted into the Hokage's office, pausing only to stare at the 'guests' she had let in.

"Yes, Lady Tsunade?" she breathed, panting from her run.

"Get me Sakura," the blond-haired woman ordered.

"Yes ma'am," Shizune said and poofed away.

.

.

.

"Sakura! Sakura!"

Said pink haired ANBU and Hunter-nin captain looked up at the sound of her name.

"Hi, Shizune," Sakura greeted. "Something wrong?"

"Lady Tsunade wants you," she replied. "It's important." Sakura nodded.

"Hai."

"How do we know—"

Tsunade was cut off as a cloud of white smoke appeared.

"Ah," she mumbled. "There you are, Sakura."

"What is it?" Sakura asked.

"I would like you to...meet our guests," Tsunade said stiffly.

She gestured to a place behind her apprentice and Sakura turned around.

_**HOLY MOTHER FUCKER**_**!** Inner Sakura yelled.

She stared at the 'guests'. They were people she knew well. Very well. They were Akatsuki. Sakura continued to stare at them, her eye twitching. Inner Sakura was ranting off curses she didn't even realize she knew.

"Sakura, you see my problem," Tsunade mumbled.

"Do you want me to get rid of them?" Sakura suggested in a quiet, deadly tone. She noticed the red-haired Akatsuki she recognized as Sasori glare at her. The puppet. The one she had killed.

"Sadly, no," the Hokage muttered. "They have a...proposition for us."

Sakura whipped around and gaped at her former mentor. Inner Sakura had officially taken over.

"What?" she yelled. "A proposition? Who the hell do they think we are? _Kumo?_"

"I know," Tsunade agreed dryly.

"And what am _I_ doing here?" Sakura continued. A sheepish look suddenly crossed Tsunade's face. "How does this relate to _me?_"

"Well...you see..." The blond-haired Hokage laughed nervously. "You explain," she ordered.

The Akatsuki leader, Pein, sighed quietly and spoke.

"Akatsuki was recently attacked," Pein said. "Kumo, Iwa, Mizu, and Kusa sent countless ANBU and Hunter-nin to take us down. Our base was destroyed, but we have no casualties. We have come to offer our services to Konoha, and in return all we ask for is shelter and protection."

"And after much thought, I have agreed," Tsunade finished. Some of the Akatsuki looked surprised.

_**Nuh-uh!**_ Inner Sakura thought childishly. _**She just NOW agreed!**__  
How can she agree? It's Akatsuki!_

_**Yeah!**_ "Are you insane?"

"Sakura, we need them," the Hokage reminded her. "They may be S-class criminals, but the fact is that it would be better to have them with us rather than against us. Now, I now you may hold a grudge against Itachi for what he did to Sas—"

"I don't give a damn about that," Sakura interrupted. "Sasuke can go rot in hell for all I care. My point is, if Kumo, Iwa, Mizu, and Kusa attacked the Akatsuki, don't you think they'll come here and attack us too?"

"We currently have Suna, Yuki, Taki, Star Country and Moon Country on our side, so we have nothing to worry about."

"And if they turn on us?"

"They won't. Besides, on the off-chance that they do, our allies will take care of them."

"...fine." She suddenly glared. "Where are they going to stay?" The sheepish look returned.

"Ah...well...you see...I was kinda hoping they could stay with you..."

"WHAT?"

* * *

PRESENT DAY — HALLOWEEN

* * *

"Hidan? Hidan!"

"What?" came the annoyed voice of the Akatsuki Jashinist from the kitchen.

"Hurry up!" Sakura called.

"Yeah, yeah."

Sakura crossed her arms and sighed. A few minutes later, Hidan came walking out of the kitchen and into the living room, his smirk intact. His face wasn't moving. It was like that smirk was glued to his face. He didn't even blink.

"You okay?" Sakura asked in confusion.

He lifted up his hands slowly and suddenly ripped his head off. Sakura let out a startled scream and covered her mouth with her hands in terror. Suddenly, Hidan's head popped up from inside his cloak, laughing his butt off. Sakura blinked and scowled at him.

"UGH! You jerk!" she yelled and slapped him across the face. He rubbed his jaw, still chuckling, and looked at her.

Sakura was grumbling, her face red, with her arms crossed tightly over her chest.

"Hey, come on," he murmured, tilting her face up with his thumb. "Don't be mad."

He gave her a light kiss, and she sighed.

"Next time, I'll take your head off for real," she grumbled. Hidan chuckled, shooting her a cocky smirk. "Anyways, where's the others?"

"Like I know," he retorted. "I'm not their damn baby-sitter." Sakura rolled her eyes.

_**Really? I thought he was.**_ Inner Sakura said dryly.

"Well, find them," she insisted. "And hurry up."

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered, walking away. Sakura sighed again.

_**Asshole.**_ Inner Sakura complained.

_Yeah, but he's _our_ asshole._

_**True.**_

.

.

._**  
**__  
_The pink-haired medic-slash-ANBU-captain-slash-Hunter-nin went outside and started preparing for Halloween. She finished decorating her yard and the porch and all that good stuff.

"Here."

She looked up to see Hidan standing there, along with the rest of the Akatsuki.

"Jeez," Sakura muttered. "Where were they? It took you over two hours to find them."

"_This_ genius," — he jerked his thumb at Tobi — "went off and got himself stuck in bathroom sink. It took us forever to get him out."

"A bathroom sink?" she said in disbelief. "How—...forget it. I don't want to know."

"Good choice," Kisame mumbled. "It wasn't easy."

"Okay!" Sakura said with a fake, twitching smile. "THANK you for the nightmares!"

"What? And Kisame's face doesn't give you nightmares?" Hidan sneered. Kisame scowled at him and Deidara snickered.

"Yeah, that too," Sakura admitted. Kisame growled.

"Did you finish?" Sasori asked.

"Yeah, no thanks to any of you," Sakura said dryly.

"Hey, don't blame us," Hidan objected. "Blame the fucking idiot."

"Tobi's sorry, Pretty Girl!" Tobi whined. Sakura sighed.

"It's alright, Tobi."

"Is Tobi a good boy?"

"Yes, Tobi."

"YAY! TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!"

"Great. Now you got him going, yeah," Deidara complained.

"Deal with it," Kisame grunted.

"So, what kind of nightmares have you had?" Hidan asked, looking slightly too interested.

Sakura rolled her eyes and the others looked at her. Apparently, they were all interested.

_**Jeez. Freaks.  
**__  
_"Well, there was this one where Kakuzu stole a jar of peanut butter from Ino's house and tried to duct tape it to my foot." Kisame, Hidan, and Deidara burst into laughter, while Kakuzu snorted.

"That not realistic," he sneered.

"Your face isn't realistic," Sakura shot back. Kakuzu glared while the other three laughed even harder.

"Nice one, Pinky!" Kisame laughed.

"Then, there was another one where Zetsu started crying and whining about his mom being an Oreo and his dad being a Venus fly trap and his dad eating his mom," Sakura added.

They howled with laughter.

"That isn't true!" Zetsu snapped. "My mom wasn't an Oreo! **But my dad still ate her!**"

It was suddenly quiet.

"Zetsu, that's creepy, yeah," Deidara deadpanned.

* * *

LATER THAT NIGHT

* * *

"Hurry up!" Sakura called. "Let's go!"

They all ran down the stairs (well...Kisame, Deidara, Tobi, and Hidan ran down the stairs...) and skidded to a halt in front of her. The Akatsuki — at least the more enthusiastic ones — were wearing...

...Halloween costumes.

Hidan was dressed, surprisingly, in a nice dark purple jacket with a white undershirt and matching violet pants. He held a suspicious-looking rope, white mask, and dark purple hat in his hand that Sakura eyed.

Deidara was dressed as a gorgeous-looking vampire. Powder had paled his skin, he had in red contacts and fake vampire teeth, and he wore a cloak that looked suspiciously like his old Akatsuki cloak without the clouds.

Kisame was dressed as a rather comical werewolf. He didn't have a mask, but rather a shit ton of face paint. He wore a gray shirt that appeared to be ripped with fake dark brown fur sticking out, ripped black pants, and fake clawed paws for his hands and feet. All of this plus blue-gray hair, fish-like features, and monstrously height made one priceless sight.

And then there was Tobi. That stupid, loveable idiot. He was dressed as a ghost, of all things. He wore a white bed sheet with one eye hole cut out messily.

Konan had an origami black rose in her hair, but other than that, no one else dressed up. They all wore black, though.

"Very nice," Sakura commented, looking at the ones dressed up. "I'm impressed." Deidara grinned and Kisame smirked.

"Tobi likes Pretty Girl's costume, too!" Tobi squealed enthusiastically.

Sakura, herself, was actually dressed up. Halloween was, in fact, her favorite holiday.  
She was dressed as black cat, fully equipped with cats ears, a tail, and all-black clothes. She had face paint on that resembled whiskers, a small nose, and a single tooth at the corner of her mouth.

Sakura smiled, patting Tobi's head.

"Thank you, Tobi," she said. "Your ghost costume is cute, too." She could practically feel him beaming brightly underneath his costume. "You guys ready?" she asked.

They all nodded.

"Alright, so let me make sure I've got this. Hidan, Kisame, Deidara, Tobi, Itachi, and Sasori are staying with me. Pein, Konan, Zetsu, and Kakuzu are...doing something else. Right?"

Another group nod.

"Okay, then," Sakura said. "Off we go."

All together, the strange-looking group exited Sakura's house and separated into two groups. Four of them walked off to god knows where while the others stationed themselves around the porch.

Sakura picked a giant bowl of candy and sat in a chair. Deidara took a chair on her left and Kisame on the blond's left. Itachi sat on Sakura's right and Tobi settled for plopping down on the concrete porch floor in front of Sakura. Hidan let out a chuckle.  
Sakura raised as eyebrow. "What are you doing?" she asked.

He smirked back at her. "Just fucking watch and see." Sakura had a feeling that something bad was going to happen.  
Hidan put on his mask and Sakura nearly jumped in terror when she saw it. It was a completely white mask with slits for eye holes and a big creepy smirkish-grin plastered to its face. The mask reminded Sakura of a freaky clown-thing. He put the dark purple hat on his head and Kisame raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Nice costume, Hidan, yeah," Deidara commented.

"Tobi doesn't like it," the little loveable idiot whined. "It scares Tobi."

"It's supposed to fucking scare people, you little dumbshit," Hidan mocked.

He raised his hand with the rope in it.

"What the hell is that for?" Sakura demanded.

Before she or anyone else could react, Hidan tied the rope around his throat and tied the other end to a hook on the porch ceiling. Sakura gaped and Deidara nearly slapped his hand onto his face, only just stopping himself when he remembered the face makeup.

"Now Tobi _really_ doesn't like Hidan's mask."

Sakura, Deidara, Kisame, Itachi, Tobi, and Hidan sat on the porch (well, Hidan kind of hung on the porch), occasionally grabbing a handful or two of candy from the bowl to stuff in their faces. It was a good twenty minutes before their first victim-er, visitor came.

"How fucking long is this gonna take?" Hidan complained. Sakura rolled her eyes.

"If you're uncomfortable, then you shouldn't have hung yourself on the porch, you dumbass" she hissed. Hidan just smirked.

"To hell with that," he said, waving it off. "This will be fucking priceless. It'll be damn well worth. Just you wait."

And he was true to his words.

Minutes later, their first vic—visitor arrived.

A boy about sixteen years old — three years younger than Sakura — came up the porch steps. He stared strangely at Hidan's form for a moment before shrugging. The boy shot a smile and a nod to Deidara, Itachi, Tobi, and Kisame. He was one of the few people that didn't hate or resent the Akatsuki. He grinned at Sakura.

"Hey, Sakura!" he said. "Trick or treat!" She smiled.

"Hey, Kohaku," Sakura greeted. "Here." With that, she dumped a handful of candy into his bag.  
Kohaku's eyes glittered as he ogled over his prize.

"Thanks!" he called, turning around to jump over the stairs and land straight on the ground.

He leapt past Hidan, landing only a few inches in front of him. The Jashinist leaned forward slowly and breathed down his neck. Kohaku glanced over his shoulder and came face-to-face with Hidan's mask.

Kohaku's face went white and a comical look crossed his expression before he flew away from the house with a scream.  
Hidan howled with laughter and Kisame choked on the candy he had been devouring. Deidara fell out of his chair and Sakura burst into giggles. Even Tobi was laughing and the corners of Itachi's lips twitched.

"That was awesome, yeah!" Deidara snickered, patting Hidan's back.

The immortal reached up to wipe a nonexistent tear from his eye.

"It was fucking hilarious!" he cackled. "Did you see that little squirt's face? Priceless!"

The next one that came up, Hidan used a different method on.

He slowly reached a hand forward and grabbed the boy's shoulder. Said boy nearly pissed himself and bolted off. That ended in another bout of laughter.

Hidan laughed darkly in the next girl's ear. Needless to say, she let out a piercing scream and fled. More laughter ensued.

With each new vic—visitor (well...it is more like victims, now), Hidan did something different. No matter how he did it, the person being pranked was scared shitless and ran off. So far — according to Sakura's calculations, anyways — eighteen out of twenty-four people had screamed and three had fallen down while they were running.

Sakura and the five Akatsuki were having the times of their lives. Itachi had almost cracked a smile on twelve different occasions, but had so far retained his reputation of being unable to smile.

One of the people that had come up earlier was Kiba. He just-so-happened to be one of the eighteen that screamed. Akamaru flew ahead of him with his tail between his legs.

Ino and Tenten had come up as well. Ino by far had the loudest scream of anyone and Tenten was one of the ones that fell down.

Besides those three, none of the Konoha Twelve or their sensei had shown up. Sakura didn't expect the sensei to show up, though...except maybe Gai with Lee.

The next person to show up, however, Sakura knew would have come eventually.

The number one hyperactive knucklehead ninja himself, Uzumaki Naruto.

"Hey, Sakura-chan!" Naruto yelled, dashing through her yard. Sakura sighed.

_**I swear, the idiot must have record timing for going trick or treating.**_ her Inner mumbled.

_Tell me about it. Where the heck does he get all that energy?_

_**Beats me.**__  
_"Hey, Naruto," Sakura said, smiling, and Naruto skidded in front of her on the porch. Sakura was just glad poor little Hinata wasn't with him. She'd DIE of terror.

Naruto grinned at her, Deidara, Tobi, and Kisame. He was on good terms with the three Akatsuki, but was neutral with Itachi. He simply nodded to the Uchiha and received the same in return. He had yet to even notice Hidan hanging there.

"C'mon, Sakura-chan! Trick or treat?" he practically yelled.

Sakura sighed, shaking her head and a smile broke across her face. "You never calm down, do you?" she asked. The blond's grin widened.

"If I calm down, I'll get tired and then I won't be able to do anything!" he nearly yelled again. Sakura sighed. Again.

"Whatever, Naruto. Here."

Sakura leaned down and grabbed another bowl.

He tried to see what she was doing.

"I knew you would come, so I have something special for you," Sakura explained, holding the bowl up.  
Naruto's eyes shined as he look in the bowl. It was full of candy corn...

...flavored instant ramen packages.

"I LOVE YOU, SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto screamed, grabbing the entire bowl. He hugged it to him like a giant teddy bear.  
Sakura just laughed.

"I had Ichiraku's owner and his daughter Ayame make these specially for you," Sakura said and suddenly found herself squished into an orange-and-black-wearing vampire.

"YOU'RE THE BEST, SAKURA-CHAN!" he yelled, squeezing her in a gigantic hug.

Hidan twitched in annoyance. No one hugged _his _Sakura-chan.

Sakura had to finally end up prying the ecstatic Naruto off her with her chakra-enhanced strength. Deidara and Kisame found the whole exchange incredibly amusing and wound up laughing their guts out.

"BYE, SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto yelled, grinning from ear to ear. "I have to go home and make some of this for me and Hinata-chan to share! BYE!"

Naruto whirled around and before Hidan do anything, the blond was already screaming.

"CLOWN! CLOWN! !"

With those three words, Naruto was a spec on the horizon with a HUGE dust cloud at his heels.

Sakura and the five Akatsuki blinked dumbly, and after a good four minutes, Itachi spoke.

"I believe he is afraid of clowns."

Sakura gaped and Kisame's mouth fell open. Deidara fell out of his chair — for real this time — and Hidan's mask fell off to reveal a look of pure shock.

"Did you—...did you just make a _joke_?" Sakura finally managed.

Amusement shown in Itachi's dark black eyes. They all blinked.

It was quiet for a moment until something hit Hidan.

Naruto was afraid of clowns.

He blinked.

Naruto had just run away (if running could even be classified as how quick Naruto flew away) screaming in pure terror, and Hidan hadn't done a thing to try and scare him.

With those thoughts, Hidan burst into loud gut-wrenching laughter. One look at the hysterical Jashinist had Kisame and Deidara in laughing fits as well. This time, Sakura was the one that fell out of her seat. She coughed for air, all the while laughing, and grabbed her stomach.

Then Hidan came crashing down from the ceiling, and the hook landed next to him. A hole had been made from the little metal hook was ripped out.

They all blinked and suddenly burst into even harder laughter. A quiet chuckle even escaped Itachi's lips.

"Holy crap, priceless, yeah!" was all Deidara was able to spit out as he laughed.

Sakura and Hidan — now both on the porch floor — were rolling with laughter. The pink-haired kunoichi rolled into Hidan and he pulled her against him as they both wracked with laughter.

They both faintly heard the sound of a kid asking his mom what was so funny and a neighbor yelling for them to shut up. Hidan unconsciously registered the neighbor to be his next sacrifice.

Sakura managed to bite three words as she gasped for air before kissing Hidan's cheek.

"BEST-HAHAHALLOWEEN-EVER!"


End file.
